i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
