Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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