I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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