That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize