my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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