I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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