your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
