I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why did my mother make you get naked?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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