I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
