dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
