The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
