i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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