Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
