He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
