I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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