and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
