I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
