SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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