I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
