a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
