Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
3 2 1 whiskey
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
