I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
