You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
