I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
