If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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