they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize