there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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