My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
