I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
