1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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