but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
