I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
