I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
