And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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