So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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