u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
