You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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