Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
