just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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