i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
