I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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