she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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