Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
