Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
