I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
