I puked a lego.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
