plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
