We're facebook friends in real life
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
