What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
