Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
