I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
