So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
