He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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