If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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