I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
