I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
