Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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