i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
