Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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