he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
