and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
did you just send me my own nude
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
