meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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