All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
honey bunches of taint.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
