She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
