Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
