I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
