i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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