i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
