My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
this hospital has no fireball
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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