So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm too high and old for this...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
