Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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