There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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