Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize