I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
