She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
