He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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