I wish they made helmets for livers.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
