You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
