The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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