Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
