Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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