You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
...so i touched it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
