"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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