Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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