one two three fourrrrnication!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize