How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Small penises have feelings too.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize