I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
