Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the condom got lost in my hair
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
