couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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