woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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