Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
