i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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