She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
