Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize