Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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