Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
