Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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