Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize