maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize