Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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